Thinkin...

Well, I've been thinking that it's probably time to update the blog.  I've thought and thought about it, but no inspiration has struck.  I'm sure the kids have done some cute things I could tell about, but my brain is so tired, I just can't remember.  In fact, my brain is SO tired, I can hardly focus on anything.  So, here are some random things I've been thinking about lately (a rare glimpse into the scary place that is my mind):

*Pumpkins

*Old trucks

*work boots

*Why did Barack Obama win a Nobel Peace Prize?

*Hess and Lorene

*Sun tea

*When will it stop raining?

*What color should I paint the bathroom?

*the joy of giving

*how to give and receive grace

*the freedom that comes with forgiveness

*the swine flu vaccine

*the blessing of good friends

*the urge to get away

*the longing to stay home

*the miracle of God's provision

*spanx

*crunchy leaves

*why would anyone want to blast something into the moon?

*fresh tomatoes

*mason jars

*comfortable southern accents

*sad endings

*friends that are hurting

*How can such a little girl have such a big personality?

*Is it really necessary to have 57 screaming fits a day?  (I'll let  you decide if that's me or Ella having the fits!)

*the difficulty of letting go

*dishes and laundry

*health care

*banana pudding

*real cowboys

*early onset terrible twos

I could go on and on...but, a tiny dictator is screaming at me, so I must go now!

It's a Wonderful Life

I've been doing a Bible study called One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer.  It has caused me to really start looking at my life...my relationships, my blessings, my walk with God.  It's mostly been encouraging, as I see how far I've come with God, but sometimes convicting.  As I take stock of my life, I can't help but think of It's a Wonderful Life.  This movie shaped a significant portion of my world view.  I watched it every year at Christmas time...I still do.  I love it when George Bailey puts Mr. Potter in his place and calls him a scurvy little spider.  I love the wise, if awkward angel, Clarence.  It's his words that I've been thinking about mostly lately.  "Strange, isn't it?  Each man's life touches so many other lives.  When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

My life has certainly been touched by so many people in such a powerful way.  I know looking back that God sent each of them into my life at a specific time for a specific purpose.  Early on, there was my mom...so strong and resilient, and my grandparents...they taught me to put God first in everything, and countless others...aunts, uncles, teachers, and friends.  They all made a profound impact on me.  And then, there was Aidan...sent to me at a very dark time in my life, when I was far away from God and my heart was so sad.  Aidan, this precious little boy, was God's grace that I could hold in my arms.  He taught me about unconditional love.  He was sent to rescue me from myself.  Next, was Mark...he was sent to heal all my hurts and insecurities.  And then, there was Ella.  I can hardly speak her name without smiling and laughing.  She was sent to teach me about the abundant life God offers.  She is pure joy in the cutest little package you've ever seen.  Getting her here was difficult...I had trouble getting pregnant with her, and then the pregnancy was HORRIBLE.  Even in this, God showed his provision for us by sending good friends to help all along the way.  They prayed with me when I was scared that I would lose Ella.  They cooked us dinner every night while I was on bed rest.  They cleaned our house and baby sat Aidan.  More people...touching our lives in a special way.  

We literally had NO money when I was pregnant with Ella, a very scary prospect with a baby on the way.  But, once again, God was faithful.  When we found out she was a girl, I panicked...girls need clothes and clothes cost money.  On the way home from the sonogram, I whispered a prayer and decided in my heart to trust God with providing for our little girl.  We did not make it home before a friend called to tell us they were getting rid of all their girls' baby clothes and we could have them if we wanted them.  Bags and bags of the cutest clothes you've ever seen, enough to last for the first year...all provided because some dear friends allowed God to use them that day.  Another friend helped me paint her nursery.  Another friend gave me a baby shower.  More friends gave me a diaper shower...I received enough diapers to last me the first 8 months or longer! One Saturday night, towards the end of my pregnancy, I took inventory of what we still needed for Ella's nursery.  I put a curtain down on my list, and knew we couldn't afford it.  I told myself a curtain was a want, not a need and God would provide our needs.  Well, God apparently had other ideas because the next day at church another friend approached me, and I'm not kidding, said, "I want to make a curtain for Ella's room"...I had not told anyone we needed a curtain!  The curtain is adorable and always reminds me that God wants to provide lavishly for us...not just the bare minimum.  I could go on and on and on.  

I learned a lot about God through that experience.  In fact, I have yet had to buy Ella a single stitch of clothing.  Just this weekend, a friend gave me 3 large bags of clothes, and we are set for at least another year!  I laughed out loud as I went through them.  I told my husband that God was just showing off now.  I now fully understand the verse about giving that says, "Give and it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap."  Ella's clothes had to be pressed together to fit into her closet, which is now running over with clothes.

I want to be like the friends and family that touched my life in this time.  I want to be like George Bailey, the richest man in town.  In this season of my life, I don't have the time or resources to start a large ministry.  But, I want to be available to God to use in these small but meaningful ways.  I want to touch those lives around me and leave them better than before.  I want to do it as an offering of praise and gratitude to the God who has never abandoned me and has been exceedingly gracious and generous with me.  He is a good Father, and I want to be like Him.  It is a Wonderful Life and "no man is a failure who has friends."

Unexpected Visitor

It's never boring here.  We had an unexpected visitor yesterday.  It started right after church.  I was making the kids lunch when my parents showed up.  They had bought a cage and a stand for our pet parakeet, Sugar...but that's not the unexpected part.  As Ella and I were standing on the front porch waving good bye to my parents I saw something flying straight for my face.  I realized it was a bird, but thought surely it would change direction at the last minute.  But, no, it flew right into me and then landed on my rose bush.  I was sure it was a mockingbird.  The mockingbirds around here are pretty aggressive, and will even go after our cats if they feel they are threatening their nests.  But, to my surprise, it wasn't a mockingbird, or any kind of wild bird at all.  It was a green parrot.  He flew up onto my shoulder and started whistling and saying "pretty bird."  It was someone's pet!  

We had no idea where the bird came from.  We did, however, have several theories.  There was the logical...someone's pet escaped (thank you Kevin) to the not so logical.  As usual in this family, the not so logical far out weighed the logical.  Aidan's theory (mind you he really wanted to keep the bird and not find the owners) was that the owners of the bird were really old and died.  And, the owners' children were killed by snakes.  But, the bird escaped to come live with us.  His other theory was that the bird was my long lost childhood pet of which I had no memory (I do forget things a lot).  It had finally found me after all these years.  My mom's theory was that it had fallen out of a plane.  She was kidding, I think.  Mark's theory was my favorite.  He could not get over the coincidence that a bird mysteriously showed up on the same morning my parents just happened to bring us a bird cage.  He believed that my mom was throwing the bird out the window as they pulled out of the driveway.  He holds my parents responsible for all of the pets that we have acquired.  

We put the bird in the new cage, determined to find the owners (if they were still living!).  I have to say, I was really scared that we would end up with this bird.  Mark went to the pet store and started looking at larger cages.  Aidan started referring to it as his new pet.  The bird immediately attached himself to me, which was cute, but annoying.  She also pooped on my shoulder 3 times.  I was flattered that the bird bonded with me so quickly, but honestly, there is not a shortage in my life of clingy, pooping creatures.  

To top off our day of unexpected visitors, the doorbell rang around 9:00 last night.  Mark was not home, so I wasn't going to answer the door.  I didn't recognize the car out front.  But, they kept ringing the bell, and then started pounding on the door.  Aidan and I were both a little scared.  We tried calling Mark, but apparently, he had finally managed to pry his i-phone out of his hand because he was not answering.  I called our friend Linda, who just happened to be nearby, so she drove by the house.  She said it was a little girl.  It was the bird's owner.  Believe it or not, Kevin was right, the bird had escaped while she was taking out the trash.  The bird was very happy to see her friend.  And, I was very relieved to have one less thing to clean up after!  I was also relieved that the owners had not been killed by snakes.  It was a happy ending for everyone involved.  (except Aidan...he really wanted to keep that bird)

Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

I never knew it was possible to love a little boy so much.  I always imagined myself having girls.  I had plenty of tomboy experiences as a kid...with a big brother I did my share of playing baseball and war, GI Joe and even truck drivers.  I went fishing frequently, and even (I'm proud to say) baited my own hook!  But, what I loved most was playing with my baby dolls and my Barbies, teaching school to my stuffed animals.  One of my happiest days was when we moved into our new house and I got my own room.  I loved the pink and white wall paper and the yellow curtains.  It was girly and I loved it.  So, how is it that I now live for moments spent with a little boy who loves rocks and guns, heroes and bad guys, bugs, dirt, and--if you need further proof of my love--snakes!?  I cherish the moments we spend together just hanging out...those all too rare moments when I don't have to parent him or discipline him...when we're just being together, talking about silly little boy things.  I love those times of simple, sweet, easy relationship.  I wonder if God feels that way too.  Does he live for those moments when we just want to be with him?  When we're not trying to force our own way or hide or complain or question?  Does he, like me, love those moments when we're simply content to be in his presence?

Aidan will be starting first grade next week.  I have to admit, I'm not handling it well.  For the first time, he will be gone all day, five days a week, and I am going to miss him.  Gone are the days of hanging out all day together...going swimming, or to the zoo, or wherever else we could think of, while the rest of the world was at work or school.  It felt a little like we were cheating the system.  How the years have flown!  Surely he can't be almost 7 years old.  

I know he'll do great at school.  He makes friends easily, and his teachers will love him.  He's a lovable kid and a quick learner.  I know he will be successful.  I'm excited for him as he moves into this new stage.  I look forward to field trips and class parties and all the new friends he'll make.  But, there's a part of me (a selfish part) that wants to keep him all to myself.  He's my boy and frankly, sometimes, I don't want him to grow up.  But I know in my soul that God gave him to me for this purpose--to train him to go out into the world.  My job is to teach him to leave.  He's not really mine.  He belongs to God, and I've been given the privilege of helping him discover his purpose, and unfortunately, his purpose is probably not to hang out with his mom all week!  

So, next week, I'll send him off to school, but I'll think about him and pray for him all day.  From now on, I'll say yes to more ice cream cones, read more bed time stories, make more cookies together (even though it totally blows my diet!) and snuggle a little longer each night.  I'll do my best to simply be present with him more often--to really be engaged and not worried about my ever present to-do list.  I'll even let him stay for an hour at the snake exhibit at the zoo...whatever it takes to show this little boy that this girl is head over heels for him.