God's Economy

I went to my grandmother's house today for the first time since she moved to a nursing home.  It was so weird to pull up there and know she wasn't there.  As soon as I rounded the curve and saw her mailbox I got a little choked up.  As I walked up to the front door, tears stung my eyes...it was locked.  If she was there, it would have been open, and I would be able to see her through the screen, because she would be waiting for me.  We were looking through some of her things, reminiscing, and it was such an odd feeling.  These were her things, her jewelry, her pictures, her decorations...things she loved and chose for herself.  And now they sit. It reminded me of when my other grandmother was sick.  She was going to move in with us, so we had a garage sale to sell a lot of her stuff.  She made several hundred dollars.  I remember the sadness in her eyes as she counted up the total at the end of the sale.  "This is all my life's belongings are worth?" she said.  It was a sad realization, and one that stuck with me...one I remembered again today.

We spend so much time and money on "stuff." We work crazy hours...hours spent away from our family...to buy stuff.  And then we work more to pay for the insurance to protect our stuff.  And then we get bigger stuff.  It consumes so much of our life...our time, our energy.  But in the end that stuff is either going to the dump, or getting sold off in a garage sale.  Sure, some things may be handed down to family...but most of it is trash or someone else's second hand treasure.  It's meaningless.

In our culture, we value hard work and striving to be the best.  I value those things too, but lately, I feel like we're all being duped.  We're spending our lives climbing ladders and accumulating stuff.  For what?  Has the American Dream been a smoke screen all along to cause us to waste our lives in meaningless pursuits?  It's not making us happy.  It's not making us healthy.  It's making us slaves...slaves to our stuff.

September is Blog Month for Compassion.  I love to use my little piece of cyber space to hopefully promote a little change.  Our first assignment for blog month is to write what we would say to our childhood self.  I've been thinking long and hard about it this week.  What is the one thing I would say to my childhood self---or to my children---or to my sponsored child?  If they were going to hear one thing, what would I want it to be?  After today, I think it would be this:

The only things that will truly last are the things you do for Eternity's sake.

Everything else is temporary and meaningless...here today and gone tomorrow.  What matters is not what you deposit in your bank account but what you deposit into the hearts of others.  Spend yourself in loving others.  Wear yourself out loving others.  Love God with all you have.  Expend every ounce of energy loving your family and those around you.  I know you have to work; we all have to eat, and hard work is a good thing.  But work as if you're working for the Lord.  Moms, love on your children like their very souls depend on it.  Make your laundry and the dishes a sacrifice of love for them.  Show love, live grace, forgive radically, love people.  Everything else is just a distraction.  Then you will be rich...not just in this life, but for all of eternity.  Work with unwavering focus at loving people.  The house, the cars, television, smart phones---all secondary.  They should all be tools that you use to love people better.  It's okay to have these things, as long as they are dedicated to the purpose of loving people.  Then, you will get to the end of your life, and the stuff won't matter, because you will be leaving a legacy of love and changed hearts, and healing and grace...which is so much more valuable than a few hundred dollars worth of stuff.

If this is resonating with you at all, can I encourage you to do one small thing to shift your focus from "stuff" to "people?"  Sponsor a child through Compassion.  What I love about this, is not only do you send money that pays for a child's food, schooling, medication, and other necessities, you write letters and build relationships with these children.  You encourage them to do well in school, to take care of themselves, to come to a personal relationship with Christ.  It is amazing what so few American dollars can do for these precious children in poverty.  Not only will you be affecting eternity for the child that you sponsor, but you and your family will be changed as well.  That's God's economy.  You invest a little and he pays outrageous dividends.  I never thought I could love a child half way across the world that I've never met.  But I do.  I love him as part of our own family.  He is constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Sponsoring one child is not going to change the world...but it can change one child's world.  And in so doing, you'll be surprised how it will change yours too.  

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?  Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"

Matthew 16:24-26

For All the Single Ladies...

So, this whole mess in Ohio has been making me sick all week.  I just can't comprehend it.    And it's not just Ohio---women and little girls are victimized all over the world.  All. The. Time.  If you really want to be sad and angry, start reading about the sex trade of little girls.  Do you think this is a 3rd world problem?  Americans are the largest consumers in this trade.  Disgusting.  According to the International Rescue Committee , one in three women will suffer some kind of abuse in their life time.  That's a third of all women. I've got two little girls.  This is unacceptable.  So, what I've been trying to think about all week is, how do we fix it?  What is to be done?

Well, I'm sure all the politicians out there can think of a million ways to throw billions of dollars at this problem.  Maybe that would work, but I've learned to never wait for the government to fix anything.  Seems they can't work on a problem without creating a million more.  I'm sure we could legislate it into the ground---stiffer penalties for offenders, more laws and on and on and on.  But, you know what?  We could execute the 3 men in the Ohio case right now and it wouldn't do those women a bit of good.  It would not take away the pain they suffered.  Don't get me wrong.  I do think some changes need to be made in the laws.  I mean, one of those brothers severely abused his wife.  And I don't know all of the details, but it appears to me that he walked away from that with little to no consequence.  That's a problem.

But, what can we do?  The average, "I don't have a gazillion dollars to run for Congress" person.  There is plenty I could say to men on this subject.  For starters, if I had a captive audience of young men, I would say, "the world needs you to grow up.  Like right now.  People are suffering and God has blessed you with the strength to be their protectors and defenders.  So, turn off the video games.  Get off the couch.  Stop working on your six pack and get out there and start helping.  Stop being a part of the problem and be a man and a leader.  Stop watching movies about heroes and start being a hero."

But, since only about 3 men read my blog, and two of those are my dad and my husband...and they are already good men (hey, what do you know, if you read my blog, you have a 66% chance of being a good man) I will address the women instead. If I had to guess, I would say most of the women that read my blog are already married, and I hope the man you married is amazing.  So, please pass this on to all the single ladies you know.

Girls:  Stop marrying jerks.  Stop reproducing with jerks.  Because that jerk will be the father of your children.  And that jerk will make your little girls feel like they have to do unspeakable things to gain the favor and attention of men.  That jerk will model for your little boy how to be a jerk.  If he treats you badly, he will teach your precious little boy to treat women badly.  He will teach your little girl that they deserve to be treated badly as well.  The influence of a father, for the good or the bad, is immeasurable.

So, who do you marry?  I'm no expert here, but I've done it the wrong way, and I've done it the right way, and this is what I've learned.

1. Marry a man that respects his mother.  Not just loves her, but respects her...treats her with respect, no matter what.
2. Marry a man that wants to please God above all else.  The man that wants to please God will know that he must be willing to lay down his life for his wife.
3. If a man yells at you, intimidates you, belittles you in anyway, dump him.  Did you hear me?  Dump him, do not marry him.  There is no excuse.
4.  If a man utters the words, "boys will be boys," or you find yourself uttering these words to excuse a behavior in a man, dump him.  Boys will be boys, but you're not marrying a "boy" (hopefully).  And you don't want a "boy" helping you raise a family.  Dump him and find a man.  Because our culture has been telling us for a long time now that boys will be boys and sleep around, look at pornography, go to strip clubs, etc.  Like they can't help it or something.  Yes they can.  This is a lie that we have been buying into for far too long.  You need a man that can practice some self control.  Furthermore, you're going to have kids someday and you need a man that will stand in the gap for your sons and encourage them to be pure...to turn their eyes from all the filth in this world.  Trust me---no matter how cute or cool he is, don't tolerate this behavior. Dump him.
5.  Marry a servant leader.  Think about Jesus.  He possessed all the power in the universe and could have made anyone do anything he wanted them to do.  But what did he do?  He healed.  He loved children.  He washed feet.  His heart was broken by the suffering of others.  He reached out to those no one else was willing to be near.  He loved.  We have got to change what our image of manhood looks like.  It is not weak to serve others.  If you are dating a man who talks/thinks only about himself...never concerned with lifting others up, dump him.
6.  When you are considering marrying someone, ask yourself, "If they never change from who they are today, will I be okay with that?"  Marrying you will not change someone's character.  I know you are amazing, but marrying you will not change someone's character.

I don't mean to sound harsh or unforgiving.  There is no perfect man, so of course you have to be willing to overlook some flaws.  But, let's overlook flaws like:  "he leaves his dirty socks on the floor", or "he's a little overly obsessed with baseball."  Let's stop overlooking flaws like: "he treats me like dirt," or "he makes me feel bad about myself."  Come on ladies.  Let's up our standards.  I promise you there are good men out there.  Don't get in a hurry.  If we start setting our expectations a little higher, men will learn real quick that they've got to step up or be alone.  Otherwise, they're going to keep getting away with it.  And maybe, just maybe, in a generation or two we will find that all the sick/twisted/abusive men have died sad and alone.  Maybe we can raise a generation of real men and help end the cycle of abuse.  We can at least make that stand for our own family and our own children.  I pray that we will.  For the sake of my little girls.

Metamorphosis

I've been thinking a lot about caterpillars lately.  Aidan and I have been studying them in school.  Of course, I already knew that caterpillars make a chrysalis and inside that chrysalis they change into a butterfly.  I've always found it fascinating.  More than once, we've purchased caterpillars for the kids so we could watch this amazing transformation take place. What I didn't know, is what happens inside that chrysalis.  I didn't know that in order to become a butterfly, the caterpillar spins a chrysalis and then dissolves into nothing but goo.  And by a process that no one fully understands, this goo becomes a butterfly.  It is the same being that went into the chrysalis, but it is made completely new and has a new purpose.  Everything it did as a caterpillar, was all in preparation for what it would one day become.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, a new creation has come:  the old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

I've been wondering about that caterpillar...dissolving into goo.  What must that be like?  Is it painful to dissolve into goo?  Does the caterpillar have any kind of understanding of what it is going to become?  I am in awe of this process.  What an amazing thing this is.  This dissolving and becoming new.  You have to wonder why God didn't just make a baby butterfly look like a little butterfly...why all this dissolving, and goo, and being made new.

I can't stop thinking about these caterpillars...how they feed on leaves and gorge themselves to the point of bursting, and then one day they just stop.  And they wrap themselves in a chrysalis, and they dissolve into goo.

I can't stop thinking about caterpillars because I feel like that sometimes...I feel like I'm dissolving.  My wants, my needs, my ravenous desires for what this world has to offer...I can sometimes feel it...right in the center of my being...dissolving.  And, it's not always fun.  Sometimes it's painful.  And, I wonder, is it painful for the caterpillar too?  Does the caterpillar resist?  Does he just want to stay as he is?  Or does he get sick of crawling around munching on leaves?  Does he innately know he was made to be so much more?

I feel like since I started walking with God I've been in a chrysalis, dissolving...He just loves me too much to leave well enough alone.  My grip on all the things I think I need...dissolving.  Selfishness...dissolving.  A critical spirit...dissolving.  My plans, my ideas about how things should go, my control...dissolving.  I don't always like all this dissolving.  If I'm honest, sometimes, I just want to be left alone for a while.  Caterpillars are cute, right?

Did you know, that unless a caterpillar turns into a butterfly it can't reproduce?  So, if it doesn't go into that chrysalis...if it doesn't dissolve...it will die a caterpillar.  It won't make more caterpillars, it won't pollinate flowers so they can reproduce...it will leave nothing behind.  If it doesn't get into that chrysalis and dissolve, it will accomplish nothing that it was created to do.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

So, maybe that's why God made caterpillars, instead of baby butterflies.  To remind us about metamorphosis...about becoming new.  Caterpillars are cute, but butterflies are glorious, and they have a purpose.  Maybe he wanted us to know that dissolving is not pretty, but it is necessary.  We must die to our old self to become something new and glorious and useful.  This constant dissolving, the constant submitting of our will, this focusing on things unseen instead of what is right in front of us...is all accomplishing something in us, and in God's kingdom.  He loves us too much to let us be caterpillars when he created us to be butterflies.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.   The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.  Galatians 2:20

It's About Giving

Without a doubt, Christmas is the best time of year.  If you ask my kids, they will tell you it is the best time of year because of the gifts.  Now, if Mark raised his eyebrows or if I crinkled my forehead, they may remember to dutifully say it's the best time of year because it is when we celebrate Jesus' birth.  But, I know they really love the gifts.  And that's okay.  Who doesn't enjoy getting gifts...a surprise under the tree...the anticipation for days and days of what Santa will bring.  I love that too.  I think you have to know how good it feels to get a much needed or wanted gift before you can fully understand the joy of giving a much needed and wanted gift. 

But, what I really love about this time of year is the giving.  And not just the giving of gifts, but the giving of time and resources as well.  I love how people go out of their way to decorate their yards...all to delight the children, and neighbors and anyone else that happens to drive down the street.  I love how people shop for just the right gift to make someone else happy.  I love how we are all out shopping, trying to find the gift that will make the recipient feel loved and special.  We give gifts of gratitude to teachers, postal workers, co-workers and neighbors.  What makes this time of year special, is that we all spend so much time thinking about how to make the holidays special for someone else.  What if we always spent that much time trying to make things special for other people?

It's about giving...and that is why we have such fond memories and special attachment to this time of year.

We're never more Christ-like than when we're giving. The very purpose of His entire life, was to ultimately, give it away.  He stored up nothing for himself in this life--no home, no riches, no children, nothing.  He gave it all up to fulfill his purpose and give us eternal life. 

When we give, we are reflecting the heart of God.  But, where we are happy to give out of our excess---what is left over after we have everything we want and need---God gives us his all, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son..." (John 3:16).  We are happy to give if we feel like the recipient deserves it, God gave to us even when we don't deserve it:  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)  Fortunately for us, he didn't wait for us to get our lives together.  God gives good and perfect gifts all the time.  And as Christ followers, we should try to emulate him, at all times of the year.

Are you looking for a good litmus test of where you are in your walk with God?  How giving are you?  When we are where we should be with God, we give...without counting the cost.  When we fully understand who is backing us, and who has given us everything we have, we can't help but be cheerful...hilarious...givers.  We can give without fear, because we know that we can't out-give God.  We know that the more we give...of our money, our time, ourselves, the more God fills us back up.
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

So, this Christmas, my hope for you is that you do find that perfect gift for those special people in your life.  I hope their eyes light up on Christmas morning; I hope your kids squeal with delight and fully enjoy the magic of Christmas.  And I hope that they understand that the magic of Christmas is giving.

But, I also hope that you remember, while your children are dreaming of sugarplums and video games, somewhere there is a mother crying out to God for someone to help her children before they starve.  While you are covering your house in enough lights to make Clark Griswold proud, there is a father somewhere hoping that he can figure out how he's going to afford to send his children to school and buy them clothes.  While we are fretting about the 3 or 4 holiday pounds we're going to gain, there is a child that can't sleep because they're hungry, really hungry.

And now, so that I don't completely ruin your holiday, I'm going to tell you what you can do about it.  Because, those prayers that they're praying??  We're the answer to them.  God has blessed US.  So, this Christmas, sit down with your family and take a little time to browse through the Compassion catalog.  Maybe buy a few less Christmas cookies and spend that money on something that can change the life of someone living in poverty.  There are enough options in this catalog that families with all different budgets can help.  Teach your children how good it feels to give.  #itsAboutGiving

Make this the Merriest Christmas yet!!

Homeschool

Wow!  What a crazy, awesome week this has been.  We started homeschooling for the first time on Tuesday.  Aidan is in 4th grade, and I am doing preschool with Ella.  I don't know who learned more this week, me or the kids.  I learned so much about them...their learning styles, what they already know and about myself...my teaching style, my strengths, my weaknesses.  It has, at times, been great, amazing, scary, frustrating, and exhausting.  But, overall, I am really excited that we're doing this.  I've already figured out some things I'm going to keep doing, and some things that just don't work. 

I have had to constantly keep in mind my reasons for doing this.  Lots of people ask me, "so, why are you homeschooling?"  And, I never know what to say.  A lot of people home school because their kids are not flourishing in public school.  Aidan did great in school.  A lot of people home school because they worry about the influence of other kids at school.  This was certainly a concern of ours, but mostly those experiences have been great teachable moments about why we have the values we have, why we believe what we believe and what it means to be in the world, not of it.  I'm sure there are tons of other reasons too...but none of the typical responses matched up with what prompted me to make this decision.

I guess the short answer would be, God asked me to.  As third grade progressed, there were many times I felt God prompting me that it was time for Aidan to come home.  The long answer would be...
1. I want to reignite Aidan's natural curiosity about the world and excitement about learning.  School had turned this into drudgery.
2. I want to integrate our values and our faith into everything Aidan does...instead of having it compartmentalized into "school," "church," etc.
3.  I want to expose Aidan to a great variety of experiences so that he can discover what his gifts are, what his passions are and what God has for him to do.

So, this week, I had to check my "public school teacher" self at the door.  I had to work hard to find that perfect balance between high standards (Aidan seriously acted like I had 2 heads for demanding correct capitalization, punctuation and spelling!) and keeping it fun and engaging.  And all the while, I had to balance this with feeding the baby, working with the 4 year old, doing laundry/dishes/cleaning/meal prep, etc.  Wow!  It's a lot...but it's working, and it's amazing.

My greatest gift this week...hearing my kids encourage each other in their work, watching them make up games and play them during our "recesses," and spending lots of quality time together.  Don't get me wrong...they also had moments of fighting like cats and dogs, making unbelievable messes, etc.  But, let's not dwell on that.  :)

The kids even came up with a "school" mascot...we are the Jaguars.  We have a little stuffed jaguar that does school with us and will go on all of our adventures with us.  Speaking of adventures...I joked with a friend last week that I am like a teacher on speed...this is what we have coming up in the next 2 weeks:  making a paper mache model of the earth, making a salt map depicting the regions of Texas, visiting the Texas wild exhibit at the zoo, Baseball camp, Farm camp, writing letters to Major League Baseball teams (and hoping they send us some free goodies), a tour of Ranger Ballpark, and possibly a camping trip to Gonzales to see a reenactment of the battle that started the Texas Revolution. 

Just writing that makes me want to go to bed.  Pray for energy and stamina for me!

First Day of School :)

Amazing

I was reading a story in Luke during my quiet time last week.  It's the one about the centurion who wants Jesus to heal his servant.  He was a man of power.  The elders of the Jews told Jesus, "This man deserves to have you do this, because he loves our nation and has built our synagogue."  But, the centurion wouldn't even let Jesus come into his house.  "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof.  That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you.  But say the word, and my servant will be healed."  A man of power and influence...yet, he knew.  He knew his place.  And then, there was this verse, which I haven't been able to get out of my mind this week:

"When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel." (Luke 7:9...emphasis mine).

He was amazed at him.  Jesus was amazed.  The son of God, creator of the universe, savior of mankind was amazed.  I love that.  I wonder if he's ever amazed at me?  Does my faith ever amaze him? 

I hope so.  Because He amazes me every day.

This Morning.  Amazing.



Today

Today, I am thankful.

Today, I am thankful that Anna's extra long nap threw off our schedule, so that Ella and I ended up eating our lunch in the car, while parked at the grocery store.  She loved sitting in the front seat with me to share our lunch.  And she chattered away...and for once there was nothing to distract me so I chattered away with her.

I am thankful that I had the time this morning to take Aidan's hands in mine and pray with him before he went to school...that he would have a good day, and be a light in the darkness, and point others to Jesus.

I am thankful that every time Anna sees me from across the room, not only does she smile, but she kicks her feet and waves her arms, and if I start coming towards her, she starts laughing.  Pure joy.

I am thankful that Ella pretends my book light is a cell phone...

...and she used it to call God...

...and told Him she really likes his dancing.

I am thankful that Ella helped unload and put away the groceries today...without being asked.

I am thankful that Ella was a perfect angel in the grocery store...that was never the case just a year ago...hey, this parenting stuff really works...if you keep at it, and never give up.

I am thankful that while we were waiting in the LONG line at the grocery store, Ella said, "I am frustrated that we have to wait!  I'm going to tell God." 

I am thankful that after telling God she was frustrated, Ella sang, "I told God I'm frustrated and he said, 'be happy,' so now I'm Haaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppppy!!"

I am thankful that Ella loves to find new ways to make her baby sister laugh...and always makes me laugh in the process.

Mostly, I am thankful that I get to be here for all of this...and not somewhere else...hearing about all this from someone else.  I'm thankful that we're making this one income thing work...even though insurance is going up (again), and groceries are going up, and gas is going up and the paycheck is staying the same (again)...I'll leave all that up to God...I'll just call him, tell him it's frustrating, and then, I'll be happy...happy to be here, raising my kids and filling them with good things.  Today, I am very thankful.

By Faith....

I haven't posted much lately.  I have resolved to try to do better.  My pregnancy and subsequent newborn have kind of stolen all my mental energy of late.  But, I've also been pretty heavy hearted lately, and it's always more difficult for me to write from that place...a little too personal, I guess.  This past year has been a difficult one for many sweet families that are close to us.  We have many friends struggling with unbearable losses, illnesses, difficult marriages, financial problems and on and on.  My heart is broken and pained for my sweet friends, and I want so badly to be able to alleviate some of the pain and some of the struggle for them.  It is frustrating at best and agonizing at its worst.  My spirit knows that God is sovereign.  He has a plan.  He knows better than me.  He works all things together for good.  But, frankly, my flesh wants to stomp its feet and pout and scream, "that's not fair!"  And it's not fair...and it's not right.  God never intended this for us...this fallen, broken, ugly world. 

This morning, while struggling with all this, God sweetly laid Hebrews 11 on my heart...the "faith chapter" to those in the church crowd.  One, that you read so much that sometimes its meaning is lost...until you sit back and truly digest what it means.  I've read it over and over this morning, letting it be a soothing balm to the knot of pain that's been gnawing at my chest today. 

Hebrews 11 reminds us that it is not this world we're living for anyway...it is for things unseen.  I am shifting my focus, "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God...persevering because we see him who is invisible."  I am "admitting that I am an alien and stranger on earth...looking for a country of my own...a better country, a heavenly one."  And to my friends, who find God's peace in the midst of unbelievable circumstances, and who proclaim His goodness even in the middle of excruciating pain, "the world is not worthy of you."  I admire your faith and am honored to know you and serve God along side of you.

The Gift of Loneliness

I'm not exactly sure when I first felt it.  I know it's only been recently that I've been able to give it a name.  I know this feeling has been with me as long as I can remember...even as a young child.  It has never been overwhelming, or even really a depressing thing, and I would hate for anyone to feel sorry for me because of it.  As far back as my memory can reach, I've had this sense that I don't quite fit in, I don't quite belong, that I'm often misunderstood...that there's no one else that sees things in exactly the same way that I see them.  This feeling that no one else perceives things in exactly the way that I do or experiences things the way I do.  It's a melancholy feeling...like a sadness, but not a deep sadness that prevents me from enjoying and loving my life...just a sense that I can't really describe.  The best word I can use to label it is loneliness. Have you ever felt that?  Even when you're surrounded by dear friends and loving, supportive family?  An aching or a longing that you can't explain?  I have this feeling that there is so much more to my mind, my heart, my soul than any person could ever fully know.  That feeling can make me feel awfully alone sometimes. 

Lately, God has been teaching me that he put that place in my heart...that melancholy void.  He put it there, because it is what drew me to Him in the first place.  And, it is what keeps me turning back to Him again and again.  Because, he does know.  He knows every layer, every facet of my being.  He has been with me...even when I was hidden in my mother's womb.  He knew what I would become.  He knew how I would rebel and sin and mess up.  He was there for every sad and hurtful moment.  He felt with me what I was feeling.  He knew how it impacted me.  When it's hard for me...He gets it.  He was also there for every joyful moment.  He was there every time a dream was achieved and for every longing fulfilled.  And he got that too...not just what it means to everyone else, but what it means specifically for me.  He gets it.  He gets me...fully.  Nothing is hidden, there are no secrets, and He loves me.  Really, really loves me.  Even more, he delights in me.  And he joyfully gives me the desires of my heart...the real desires, not just Dollar Store junk I think I want, but beautiful invaluable treasures that I don't even realize I want...because he knows me. 

So, that feeling that's been with me?  I'm thankful for it.  It has kept my heart tethered to the only One that can ease it.  And, when the feeling gets to be too much?  I know I've strayed too far.  It's time to go back..to the One who has  adored me...to the One I am learning to adore more and more each day. I'm so grateful for a love like His.  Who can even fathom it? 

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psalm 63: 1-5

Cleaning Closets

I have less than 6 weeks to go before the big day!  Nesting has kicked in full force.  Yesterday, I cleaned out the linen closet.  I also cleaned out the closet that Ella and the baby will share.  Actually, this is the 3rd time I've rearranged that closet.  I think I finally have it the way I want it!  Recently, I've also reorganized all of my kitchen cabinets.  Up next, is my closet and drawers, the coat closet and the utility room shelves.  Wow, that makes me tired just to think about it...but I am compelled to do it.  Pregnancy makes you do crazy things!

What I hate about organizing closets is everything gets a whole lot messier before it gets better.  I hate that I can work all day on something, but when you look around, it looks like I've done nothing.  For me, the best way to clean a closet is to drag everything out of it.  Then, I put back only what is necessary and figure out what to do with the rest.

I've been gearing up for some spiritual closet cleaning too.  Eight months of pregnancy has a way of knocking you off track.  It's easy to think about only yourself when you don't feel well.  It's easy to skip being in the Word and prayer.  Somewhere between the 4 months of nausea, lower back aches, sleepless nights and the total lack of energy, I've lost focus on some of the more important disciplines...devoting time to God's word, prayer, focusing on things more eternal.  It's easy to justify.  With a very small amount of energy, it's tempting to go into survival mode...just do the things that absolutely have to be done...the laundry, the dishes, the kids.  When exhaustion rears it's head, it's easy to waste hours unengaged...on activities that don't really require anything from me.  But that leaves my mind feeling cluttered and out of sorts...much like the closets I've been cleaning.  And thinking about adding those things that really matter back into my life just makes me tired.  When should I do it?  Get up early?  Stay up late?  I'm much too exhausted for that.  My "closet" is too cluttered to shove one more thing in there.  It makes me feel frustrated, and tired.

So, what's the answer?  I guess, I'll drag everything out.  I'll take a hard look at everything and ask the hard questions.  Do I need this during this season of my life,or should I toss it?  Should this have a prominent place or maybe a much smaller one?  Can this go in someone else's closet for a while?  Then, I'll put back only the things I need...time with God, precious time and energy devoted to my children and husband, more serving...less complaining, less media, more being actively engaged...less shutting everything out...less TV, more sleep...fewer negative words, more encouraging words.  I'll choose prayer over Facebook, and engaging with my kids over Pinterest (ouch!).  I'll go to bed early instead of watching one more TV show.  I'll take better care of myself so I can take better care of my family.  When energy and time are low, it's important that I choose to do only what is most needed.  Just like when arranging Ella's tiny closet...only the essentials can stay.  There's no room for anything else.

What I hate about closet cleaning is how messy the process can be.  But, what I love about closet cleaning is how much better you feel when it's done.  Less exhaustion, less anxiety, less feeling overwhelmed.  I love opening a clean, well-organized closet.   No more opening the closet, trying not to really look at it, shoving something in and slamming the door before it all comes crashing down.  I can breathe a little easier and feel a little lighter. 

So, between now and when the baby arrives, I'll not only be cleaning physical closets, but the closets of my heart and my mind as well.  Because when a closet contains only what is important, only what truly matters, then you can more fully enjoy it and utilize it.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
^15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.   Philippians 3:14-16 (The Message)

34 Things I Know:

1.  A little appreciation goes a long way.  We're all trying to figure out what in the world we're doing and if we're doing it right, so when someone notices, it makes a huge difference.  It works for everyone...bosses, friends, family, children and especially husbands.

2.  Take grumpy children and place them in water...any kind of water...bathtubs, swimming pools, sprinklers.  Works every time.  (Don't hold them under or anything, just let them play and relax.)

3.  If my kids are in a stage of being grumpy, whiny, clingy, or just down right mean, it usually means I am not spending enough one on one time with them...schedule a date immediately.

4.  If I am in a stage of being grumpy, whiny, clingy or just down right mean, it usually means I am not spending enough time with my Father...schedule a date immediately.

5. You should not buy off-brand graham crackers, Grape Nuts, or dishwashing detergent.

6. Bad boys are overrated.  You know that "mysterious" quality that makes a boy seem so "bad" to begin with??  It's selfishness.  There, mystery solved.  Move on to someone more deserving of you.

7.  Oxi-Clean will get out old milk stains that you didn't know were in your baby's clothes, until after you have stored them in the attic for 4 years.  Yep, it gets out 4 year old milk stains.  Love that stuff.

8.  Kids like cartoons with obnoxious songs.  Accept it.

9.  One of the best things you can do to help your kids in school?  Read to them...a lot...from the time they are old enough to sit in your lap.  Trust me...it works.

10.  Comparing what you have with what others have is a sure way to be miserable.

11.  Being thankful for every blessing you have been given is a sure way to find joy.

12. Use things, love people...not the other way around.

13.  If your mother says something that infuriates you, she's probably right, and you probably already know that.

14. Being rebellious is not always a bad thing.  Jesus was rebellious.  Rebel against injustice and low standards.

15. Honesty is amazingly refreshing.

16. The world measures success by how much money or attention something gains.  But, real success is measured by how many people something affects in a positive way.

17. Kids like toys that allow them to use their imagination.  These are usually the most inexpensive toys.  If a toy does everything for the child (you know, the expensive ones) they will play with it exactly 3 times, become bored with it and bury it in their closet...but then swear it is their most favorite toy ever in the whole world if you try to get rid of it.  Save your money...and your closet space.

18. Kids just want to make you happy.  If they find that nothing makes you happy, when they are teenagers they will switch to just trying to make you miserable.  Hey, some emotion is better than no emotion, right?

19.  As bad as it sounds, it is good for people to experience some disappointment and pain.  It is good for people to struggle.  Anyone that tries to always protect you from all negative experience and emotion does so to your detriment.

20.  The world could use more people of real courage.

21.  I am blessed with lots of people that love me and that I love in return.  My parents, my husband, my kids...but as much as I love them, there is only ONE that has been there, every moment...seen every tear cried in secret, laughed along with me, protected me when I didn't even know I needed it, blessed me beyond measure, had a plan for me...a plan to give me abundant life, heard every thought (even the bad ones), known every insecurity and where it came from...and loved me with an everlasting love in spite of all of it...and THAT is the person that has my whole heart and all of my devotion.

22.  I am responsible for my own happiness.  Whenever I start looking to someone else or something else to make me happy (or blaming them for my unhappiness), I'm the one with a problem, not them.

23.  God is good.  All the time.  I can never be more fair or loving than He is.  If I start to think I am, I need to get a new perspective.

24.  We take ourselves too seriously.

25.  We don't take God seriously enough.

26.  If your kids aren't paying enough attention to you, act like you're trying to talk on the phone.  You will become the center of their world.

27.  Be predictable when disciplining your children and unpredictable while having fun with them.

28. It takes two to argue.  If you're right, you'll still be right even if you don't argue.

29.  You can live on a lot less money than you think you can.

30.  Not having everything you want leads to a lot of self-reliance and ingenuity.  If I had a lot of money, I never would have known that Mark can fix a water heater and leaky pipes, and I can fix an ice maker and get 4 year old stains out of baby clothes.

31.  Always pay cash up front.  Always.  Debt is bad.  I'll say it again, debt is bad.  If God hasn't provided the means for you to buy it without going into debt, you probably don't need it.

32. Your day will go better if you make your bed as soon as you wake up.  It just does.

33. One load of laundry each day...no more, no less.  Wash it, dry it, put it away...resist the urge to do more.  It will change your life.

34. The last 34 years have been full of God's blessings and provision.  He has never let me down...not once.  It's always been an adventure, and I can't wait to see what's next!  Happy birthday to me.  :)

Me, 34 years ago!

Resolution

I was very excited last week when I found out that I had won a signed copy of the new book The Resolution for Men.  This book was written as a companion to the new movie, Courageous.  We got the book last night, and it is meant for men, but I couldn't resist taking a peak (I did win it, after all!).  I have not read the whole thing yet, but my initial reaction is that I wish every man that is important to me would read this book.  I think it would encourage them and give them a renewed sense of purpose.  The introduction describes the book as "an unapologetic call for men to live courageously for their faith and for their families."  What I love about what I've read so far is that it emphasizes the importance of fathers.  Our culture has been de-emphasizing that importance for a long time.  Have you watched a kids' TV show lately?  All of the fathers are morons.  I think men will be encouraged to see that, guess what...you are vitally important to the health and well-being of your children.  Even children that grow up with strong, godly mothers, will suffer if there is not a strong presence of their father.  That is not to take away from the importance of mothers, it just shows that maybe God knew what he was doing when he designed the family to have a mother AND a father.  According to the book, kids that grow up without their fathers are 20 times more likely to go to prison!  Girls that grow up without their dad are less secure and more likely to be sexually active as a teenager...often having more babies that don't have dads.  It's a vicious cycle.  Can you imagine the potential revolution in our culture if dads would step back up and take on the roles that were always meant to be theirs in the first place??  There is so much good stuff in this book, I could never detail it all here.  But, what I love is that is encouraging and challenging, with lots of practical things dads can do to take back their leadership role.  It is not a beat down to read, it doesn't leave you feeling discouraged or overwhelmed.

What has me more excited is there is also a Resolution for Women.  It is written by Priscilla Shirer (which is who I won the book from).  She is starting a book study on her blog at the end of this week.  I will be grabbing a copy as soon as I can so I can participate.  Her blog is linked on mine if you want to check it out.  I am excited to read the book.

And, if you need further proof of my rampant, uncontrollable ADD, the reason I was going to post today was to share this verse (which I read in the Resolution book last night):

 If the Arameans are too strong for me, then you shall help me, but if the sons of Ammon are too strong for you, then I will come to help you.  Be strong, and let us show ourselves courageous for the sake of our people and for the cities of our God; and may the Lord do what is good in His sight.  (2 Samuel 10:11-12).


I just loved this verse.  It wasn't a very familiar one to me.  I love the sense of teamwork and the call to be strong and courageous.  There is so much at stake these days, Christians need to work together and be courageous...for our communities and for our families.  Anyway, it spoke to me, and I thought it might speak to you too.

Have a great week...and let me know if you check out either of the books I mentioned...I would love to hear your take on them.

The Fear of the Lord

If my children learn one thing from me, I hope they learn to fear the Lord.  I don't want them to be afraid of Him, but to revere Him...to realize his great and awesome power, to know He holds their very lives in His hands, to be in awe of His goodness.  And this is why:

The fear of the Lord:

is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7)

adds length to life (Proverbs 10:27)

is a fountain of life and turns a man from the snares of death (Proverbs 14:27)

teaches a man wisdom (proverbs 15:33)

leads to life...a contented life, untouched by trouble (Proverbs 19:23)

brings wealth and honor and life (proverbs 22:4)

is a sure foundation for your times
    a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge (Isaiah 33:6)

a help and a shield (Psalm 115:11)



People who fear the Lord:

are delivered by the angel of the Lord (Psalm 34:7)

lack nothing (Psalm 34:9)

have the eyes of the Lord upon them, are delivered from death and kept alive in famine (Psalm 33:18-19)

are the confidants of the Lord (Psalm 25:14)

are guarded, lifted up, protected, never alone in trouble, delivered and honored by God, blessed with long life and salvation (Psalm 91:11-16)

have the Lord's love and righteousness with them and with their children's children (Psalm 103:17)

are blessed (Psalm 112:1)

have no fear of bad news and a secure heart, will triumph over their foes (Psalm 112:7 & 8)

have their desires fulfilled and are saved (Psalm 145:19)

are delighted in by the Lord (Psalm 147:11)



What beautiful promises the Lord has for those that fear him!  I pray my children are counted among those that fear the Lord.

I Hope:

Dear Aidan, Ella and New Lovely Baby that is yet to be named,

I hope that you grow up to be very happy...and not the "I have a great career/family/clothes/toys/house" kind of happy that you see on TV.  But the kind of happy that is not dependent on circumstances, and certainly not dependent on material things.  I hope you have that deep, peaceful joy that you sense in some people...a quiet spirit that draws people to you and to Christ.  I hope you have the kind of happiness that comes from knowing, without doubt, that no matter what hand life deals, you are resting in the arms of your creator.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:12-13


I hope that you love people.  Really, really love people.  Nothing would make me more proud of you than to see you devote your lives to loving each other, and to loving other people.  It is why we are here.  As you get older you will see that people spend their lives searching for happiness and fulfillment.  They are constantly running to and fro trying to make themselves feel good.  It is all in vain.  I will tell you a secret, my sweet babies, you will never, ever feel as fulfilled as you will when you are showing love to others.

"A new command I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  Luke 13:34-35


I hope that you will be totally sold out for Christ.  I hope you follow hard after him.  What adventures you will have!  He is never boring!  When following Him, there is always a miracle, or a surprise just around the corner.  Everything else you work to obtain in this life will pass away.  It will wind up in a dump some day or a garage sale.  What you do for Christ will last for an eternity.  There is nothing sweeter than to know God and to be known by Him.  Sometimes, he will ask you to do hard things...things the world won't understand...things you won't understand.  Follow Him.  You will be so glad you did.  Don't live the way our culture tells you to live.  Choose the path less taken!  You won't be sorry.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."  Philippians 3:7-9


I hope that you won't believe the lies the world tells you...the ones that say you have to look a certain way or be a certain way, or have certain things to be acceptable.  I pray that you live for an audience of one.  God is the only person you have to please...not your friends, not me, not your dad...only Him.  Be men and women after God's heart.  That is how I hope you measure your success.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."  1 Samuel 16:7


Finally, I hope that some day you will be listening to a sermon, or singing a worship song, or reading your Bible and you will come across a loving attribute of God that speaks to your heart.  And I hope that you will think to yourselves, "yeah, I get that.  I understand that kind of love because that is how my mom and dad loved us."  I hope we have been good examples to you of loving parents, so that you will always be able to grasp the character of God.  I know we haven't been perfect, like God, but I hope we've given you a good start into knowing your Heavenly Father who loves you.

And one last thought:

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you."  Philippians 4:4-9


Love,
Mommy

Power Not Fear

School is back in session!  I miss my boys.  :(  I feel so blessed that our whole family gets to be together for the summer.  I know most families don't have that luxury.  It is such a great time for our family.  I especially love how Aidan and Ella get to bond more with their daddy, and how closely bonded they became over the summer.  They were thick as thieves, playing in their bedrooms every day.  Some days they were campers and hikers, some days they were orphans (living in a closet), some days Ella was the mommy and Aidan was the baby...they built a fort almost every day.  I love that they are making sweet memories that will bind them together throughout their lives.  I got really sad last week thinking about Aidan going back to school.  It just seems so odd for him to be somewhere else all day long.  He's my helper, and I miss him when he's not here.  Ella misses him too.  She cried when we dropped him off yesterday.  And for most of the day she kept saying, "I want him back."  Me too!  I know we'll get used to it, but it seems pretty awful to get used to someone not being here.  I'm missing Mark too.  I am so blessed to have the kind of husband that takes great care of me.  He kept things running smoothly at the house and helped me keep it "show ready" all summer...not an easy task when we're all here ALL day.  Mostly, I just miss having a grown up to talk to!

As I was processing all of these "going back to school" emotions last week, God laid something on my heart that has really changed the way I think about sending Aidan back to school.  I wanted to share it with you, maybe it will give you some insight too.  See, we had trouble with Aidan at the beginning of summer. He was getting a little bit of a smart mouth on him, and not always obeying the first time.  It was nothing terrible, but more than we were willing to accept from an 8 year old for sure!  But, as the summer progressed, he matured so much.  He turned back into the sweet, loving boy we adore.  He started helping out more without being asked.  He started treating his sister kindly and really having fun with her.  I feared that when school started again, we would lose all the progress we made over the summer.  I've also been discouraged lately about all the influences in the world that we have to protect him from...tv, movies, music...they all seem geared at making kids grow up too fast.  I was really struggling with this and fearful about it.  I was feeling overwhelmed.

Then God started speaking.  Isn't it funny how when God starts speaking all those feelings of being overwhelmed and afraid, just fade?  It started when I read a quote online somewhere (I will try to find who said it...but it escapes me at the moment).  It said, "I don't want my kids to just survive the world.  I want them to change it."  God whispered to my heart when I read that quote.  I spend a lot of time thinking about how to help my kids survive this world...watch out for this, don't do this, do this...and not nearly enough time teaching them how to change it.  And when I really started thinking about it, I realized that most Christians are not aware of the power we have available to us.  Why would we ever be worried about anything?  God really started dealing with me on this idea.  Protecting our kids and warning them about potential pitfalls is important.  After all, we have an enemy that prowls around like a lion, seeking someone to devour(1 Peter 5:8).  They need to realize that.  But we need to also teach them that this shouldn't make them feel afraid.  Because while the Bible does talk about what we need to watch out for, it spends a lot more time talking about what we should be doing...how we should be using God's power that lives inside us to change this world.  When I read my Bible, there are warnings there about what to be careful about, but there are also verses like this:

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Cor. 10:3-5


and this one:
"Pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of his mighty strength."  Ephesians 1:18-19


and one of my favorites:
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7


I don't know a lot of Christians that live like they have a spirit of power.  I think the world has beat it out of us sometimes.  I want my kids to be different.  Because the other thing that God revealed to me was that if I teach them about that power...teach them how to tap into it...they'll be hooked.  And all that other stuff...the inappropriate music, the tv shows, the friends that try to lead them astray...they won't want anything to do with it.  Once you've felt just a little bit of that power...the power of really loving someone, the power of making a difference for someone, the power of overcoming fear and insecurity...you don't ever want to walk away from it.  I want my kids to be so busy doing what God has for them, that they have no time for anything this world may have to offer.  Then, they will be fulfilled.  Then, they will change the world.

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."  1 John 4:4

Trust

What a whirlwind summer we are having!  For those that don't know, the night (yes, ONE night) before we left for Colorado, we decided to put our house on the market!  We love our house, but we are starting to feel a little claustrophobic. The idea of getting all the baby stuff out of the attic and trying to find space for it makes me want to hyperventilate!  We have found a neighborhood we would like to build in, but we have to sell our house first.  We have covered this in prayer, and God has not really chosen to reveal much of his plan for us at this time.  So, our plan now is to keep it on the market until the baby comes, and if it hasn't sold by then, we'll just stay here.  There are a lot of "ifs" and a lot of unknowns right now...not something my personality handles well!  So everyday, I have to consciously turn it over to God to handle all the details in his timing, not mine.  I know he's teaching us something through this...I can almost feel myself growing and stretching (and not just my pregnant belly either!).  He knows I hate not being in the know!  But, he's been so gracious to give me such sweet verses out of the blue to help settle me down just when I need it.

For instance, the other day I was doing laundry and fretting about if moving was the right idea...is that the right neighborhood, would we like it there, would we miss it here, etc.  When I glanced up, I saw a verse hanging on my bulletin board that said, "I am the Lord your God and I am with you wherever you go."  It brought me such peace to know that it doesn't really matter where I live or what happens in my life, because the God that spoke the universe into existence loves me as his child and never leaves my side.

Then, as I was stressed about the details and the timing of trying to sell one house, build another, all while having a baby...and all the financial details that go along with it...I sat with my Bible in my lap not even sure where to turn and it fell open to Jeremiah.  There, highlighted in my Bible was the verse:  "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Okay God...you have this under control.

Sunday, the stress was really creeping in...money is tight, and there are so many unknowns.  The sermon was on trusting God...very timely.  It brought both Mark and I a lot of peace and reminded us again to just take our hands out of it and let God handle the details.  That night, I was reading a magazine article that referred to living life as "the lilies of the field."  It reminded me again..."consider the lilies of the field.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

Okay, God, I get it...we don't have to worry about this or try to make it happen.  We'll just take one step at a time and let you handle the details.  If our house sells, wonderful, we'll get a new house.  If it does not, we'll stay here in the home we love, surrounded by all your blessings.  We'll just cling to you as you work all of this out.  How blessed are we to be your children!

Speaking of God's blessings, (sorry to change gears all of the sudden, but I have some catching up to do!) we had a beautiful and restful time in Colorado.  I'll post some pictures in my next post.  When we got back, we found out that we are going to be blessed with another daughter!  Aidan said he is moving to China.  Ella announced that she is glad it is a girl and no longer hates babies (that's a relief!).  I am 22 weeks pregnant...only 18 to go!  I've been feeling good for the most part.  I am feeling the baby move on a regular basis now, and it makes me feel very honored to be a mother.  What a gift it is to bring life into the world.

I hope everyone reading this is having a great summer.  I'm thinking we should all pray for rain!!  My lawn could stand a good drenching right about now...and it would do wonders for my soul too!

Bye for now,
Jessica

A Popsicle and A Hug

There is a little girl that lives in my neighborhood.  I don't know her name.  I don't know how old she is.  She is not very big...much smaller than Aidan.  But, she has a way about her that makes you think she's older.  I'm not even sure where she lives.  I just know that she walks down my street every afternoon after school.  I've been watching her and wondering about her for two years.  She always wears pants that are much too short.  Not just a little too short, but WAY too short.  Her shoes are always worn out and never the right size...usually a couple of sizes too big, so they flop around when she walks.  She always wears a jacket or a sweater, no matter how hot it is outside, like she's trying to cover up a secret hurt.  I don't know her story.  I know nothing about her home life.  But, my heart aches for her just the same.  She never says much.  Once, she told me that she really liked all of my pretty flowers.  Sometimes she smiles, but she always watches me carefully as she walks by my house.  I make sure to always smile at her.  Just in case no one else does.

I stand out in front of my house every afternoon so I can watch Aidan walk home.  I greet him each day with a hug.  Or I'll tousle his hair and ask him how his day was.  I'm glad I get to be here to greet him when he comes home.  It seems like a trivial thing.  But, sometimes the trivial things mean the most.  This little girl made me realize what a gift I've been given to be here with my kids during the day.  One day she was walking just a little in front of Aidan.  I smiled at her, as usual.  Then I hugged Aidan and said, "hey buddy.  How was your day?"  Before Aidan could answer, this quiet little girl said, "there's nothing better in the world than to have someone waiting for you at home to give you a hug and a popsicle."  I looked at her.  She just said it as she walked.  She didn't stop or slow down.  "Do you have anyone at home to give you a hug?" I asked.  "No, there's no one at home," she said, at almost a whisper as she kept walking.

My heart hurt for her.  Maybe her family is neglectful.  Or maybe they are just doing what they have to in order to get by.  I don't know.  I wish that I could invite her into my home.  Give her a hug...and a popsicle.  Ask her how her day was.  Look at the papers in her backpack and make a big deal over the good grades...and help her fix the bad ones.  I want to let her know that I see her, and that I care about her...and that God sees her, and He cares about her too.  I know it's not appropriate to do those things for a girl I don't even know.  But, I'll keep praying for her, and maybe God will open some doors for me to talk to her more.

In the meantime, I will remember what a blessing it is that I get to be here when my own child comes home.  Sometimes my job is so monotonous that I forget what a blessing and honor it is.  May I never take for granted the gift...no, the many gifts...I've been given:  my husband, who values my being at home with our kids, and supports me in that role, my beautiful healthy children, my comfortable home, financial provision that allows me to be here, and my sweet relationship with my Savior, everything good about me as a woman and a mother comes from Him.  I have to agree with that precious little girl.  There is NOTHING better than having someone waiting for you at home.  We all need a safe place to land at the end of the day.  I am so grateful that I can be that for my family.

I'm Back

It's been a while...I haven't been blogging because I've been caught up in a bout of nausea induced self-pity.  When you feel like you could toss your cookies at any second, it's hard to think of anything else, and I imagine most people don't want to read about how miserable morning sickness is...so I spared you the details.

Mark and I are trying to decide where we are going to put this new little bundle of joy.  Our house is pretty full...we are out of bedrooms.  But, we're not sure we could sell our house for enough right now to get out of it with anything to put towards a new house.  We found a house in a neighborhood that we LOVE that is in our price range, but it is still 3 bedrooms...it's a little bigger, and arranged a little better, so we think it would be more workable than what we have now...but, we just can't seem to take that leap yet.  We're praying that God makes his will clear to us in this area...if worse comes to worse we'll all just cram into this little house together.  We really like each other, so that's not so bad.

On another note, right now, Ella is sitting in the living room singing, "this is the stuff that drives me crazy!"  It is so cute, and I'm trying not to laugh, because that would make her mad.

I can't believe there are only 6 1/2 weeks left in this school year.  I am really excited about summer, but I CANNOT believe Aidan is going to be a 3rd grader.  I die a little bit every time I think about it.  He is such a sweet kid. When Mark and I were discussing buying this house the other night, Mark suggested we could save up and build on another room if we needed to.  He said, "in 10 years, we could build on."  I quickly pointed out to him that in 10 years Aidan would be going to college and we wouldn't need another room anymore.  And then my heart shattered into about 1,000 pieces.  Ten years?  That's it?  I remember when 10 years seemed like an eternity, but now it seems like a flash...especially where my kids are concerned.  Of course, we may have nothing to worry about, because when Aidan saw a commercial about going to college in your PJs he was very excited.  He said that's what he was going to do so he could stay home with me and get his work done quickly so we could play and watch tv.  I love that kid.

Sorry this post is so rambling...can you tell I haven't had much contact with the outside world in the last few weeks?
Now to what I really wanted to say today.

What I really wanted to say today is that with God, everything can be redeemed.  Everything.  A bad childhood, a bad decision, a bad relationship, abuses you've suffered, abuses you've committed, EVERYTHING.  Give it to Him and He will redeem it.  He will work it together for your good.  He will work it together for the good of others.  It doesn't matter how bad or ugly or embarrassing it is.  God can use it.  Guilt is never from God.  Conviction? Yes. Guilt?  Never.  How do you know the difference?  Conviction will address something that you are doing now and prompt you to change.  Guilt attacks you for things you did in the past and can't possibly change.  If you suffer from guilt or disappointment about the past, or if you think you are less qualified to serve God because of something that happened to you, you're wrong.  Give it to God and watch Him use it for something beautiful.  Everything can be redeemed.

That's been on my heart lately and I thought I needed to share it.

If you're reading this, we covet your prayers over the next several months...for my health and the baby's health and for discernment on what to do about our living arrangements...and that Aidan keeps his grades up so he can get into Pajama College.  :) We are so thankful for our sweet friends and family!

Monday Motivation: The Lord Sings

Does anyone else ever buy into the image of God that he is frustrated with us?  Disappointed in us?  Do you ever feel like all you do is let God down, and he must be tired of your constant mucking things up?  I feel that way sometimes.  But, when I really get into the word of God, I see that this just isn't true.  Take this verse in Zephaniah:

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you, 

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing. 

Zephaniah 3:17

I love that.  It speaks to my mother's heart.  I understand this, because I delight in my kids.  They bring me joy.  I love the thought of an all powerful God singing over me.  I sing over my kids...You Are my Sunshine.  They bring me such delight.  I am always singing little songs to them...sometimes real songs, and sometimes goofy songs that I make up on the spot...like when I see Ella in the morning I sing, "There's my baby girl...the prettiest girl in the world!"  Or, "I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day...when it's cold outside, I've got the month of may."  Since Aidan was a tiny baby I've sang to him, "Aidan you are my shining star, don't you go away.  I wanna be right here where you are until my dying day."  Now, he sings it back to me.  It's silly, but it just bubbles out of me because of my great over flowing love for my kids.  

And God feels that way about me.  Even when I say the wrong thing, or lose my temper, or have a little pity party for myself.  He delights in me...and in you.  He sings over us.  Can you wrap your mind around that?  We are His.  What an awesome thought to grasp.  What a wonderful, loving God we serve!

Have a great week!

Monday Motivation: The Hiding Place

I was going to post all of my spring break pictures today, but I have not gotten around to loading them on the computer yet.  We spring break-ed until the very last minute, getting home from our trip with only enough time to eat dinner and get ready for bed.  We had a great time.  I have a renewed appreciation for how wonderful my children are and how much I enjoy spending time with them.  I was truly sad to watch Aidan walk into school today.  I sure do miss him during the school year.

Since I didn't get the pictures loaded, I wanted to tell everyone about the book I read over the break.  I finally got around to reading Corrie Ten Boom's, The Hiding Place.  If I had to describe this book with one word, it would be:  wow.  What a powerful, miracle-working God we serve.  The way that God led and sustained Corrie and her sister while they were helping Jews hide and throughout their life in a Nazi concentration camp was awe inspiring.  If you are ever struggling in your faith, grab a copy of this book and prepare to read it in one sitting, because you won't want to put it down.

There were several points in the book that have motivated me in my life and in my faith, and I have listed them here for you...so you can be motivated too.  (But, don't just settle for the points I've drawn out...seriously read the book!  It's amazing.)

1.  Being a parent is a job to be taken seriously.  We don't know what our children are going to face in their lives.  We can't be accidental parents.  We have to parent with vision...and that vision should include teaching them to live and breathe for God...that is their only hope.  So many times when Corrie and her sister were facing unbelievable circumstances, they drew on the things their parents had taught them...self-sacrifice, having no prejudice toward race or age or social status, hiding God's word in their hearts.

2.  You can't accomplish #1 if you are not daily seeking God and following Christ.  Corrie's parents LIVED their faith.  They took in orphans, cared for the sick, shared their home, they didn't speak ill of anyone, they were known throughout the community for their kindness, and they were respected by everyone, even those that did not share their faith.  They made hardly any money and were just barely able to scrape by, yet they shared everything they had.  Their example prepared their daughters (and their son, who also died trying to protect Jews) for the good that God had called them to do...and many people are now in Heaven because of it.

3. We are so fortunate to have access to the Word of God.  Under the Nazis, Bibles were not allowed in the concentration camps, and people were killed and persecuted for reading it.  However, by miraculous intervention (read it!) they were able to sneak one into the camp.  They led daily reading and teaching of the word of God in the concentration camp, and many came to faith in God during this horrible time.  We need to be in His word daily...hiding it in our hearts...we are not guaranteed to always have such free access to it.

4.  We should not be afraid to do what is right.  If more people had stood up for what was right, the holocaust would have been much less devastating.  Corrie's father was arrested for hiding Jews, but when they saw how old he was (in his 80s) he was told he could go home if he would promise not to do it again.  He replied, "If I go home today, tomorrow I will open my door again to any man in need who knocks."  That takes courage.  He died in that Nazi prison.  But, I know his reward was great.

5.  God gives us what we need, just when we need it, and not a moment too soon...and never a moment late.  He is a good father.  He is our provider.  There are many incredible stories in the book of God providing strength, discernment and even vital medicine in miraculous ways.

6.  God still works miracles and speaks to his people.  If you doubt that, read the book!  :)

7.  God uses all of the happenings in our life to prepare us for the work he has for us to do.  Corrie ten Boom said, " Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent.  Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.  I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."  What work has God given you to do?  How has he already prepared you to do it?

8. and finally, I learned, that no matter what is to come, God is my hiding place...whatever comes, he will sustain me and protect me until it is my turn to go home.


As you can tell, I loved the book.  I read it in one day...I couldn't put it down.

Spring break pictures are coming soon!  Have a great week.