God is on the Treadmill

Exercising is a real act of obedience for me.  It is not something I enjoy, or really even think to do, unless I make myself.  But, my 30's have not been kind to my metabolism, so it is a necessity for me.  God has really been dealing with me about my lack of self-discipline when it comes to taking care of myself.  So, this morning, I put aside all the excuses, and hopped back on the treadmill for the first time in a while.  And, to my pleasant surprise, God met me there.  I put Ella in front of a cartoon and cranked my i-pod up, and God just started speaking to my heart.  I love these times...I'm desperate for these times.  Like a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When can I go and meet with God? (Psalm 42:1-2)


While I was running (and I was able to run like never before, thanks I'm sure to a little help from God...it's amazing how he steps in, when we take a step of obedience), God put it on my heart to share this little story and a song...I hope it does something for you today.

Five years ago, I was sitting in church listening to a sermon on having a vision for your life and for your family.  I was thinking to myself, that the vision I had for my family was that I could be home full time with my kids, have more time with them and spend more time focused on raising them to follow hard after God. I was not very good at being a working mom...some people seem to be great at it, so don't worry, this is not meant to say everyone should be home with their kids...this was just for me.  I always felt like I had to sacrifice work for my kids or kids for my work.  I never felt I could do both jobs well.  Anyway, as I was sitting there, the Holy Spirit gripped my heart in such a way I could scarcely catch my breath.  I felt like my very soul was on fire.  I knew I was supposed to be staying home with my son.  I knew right then that I was in my final year of teaching.  The feeling was so strong, there was no denying it.  When I told Mark, he looked at me like I had 2 heads.  We were just scraping by as it was, and I was telling him I wanted to cut our family income almost in half.  It was his desire for me to stay home also, but we just did not see how it would be financially possible.  So, we started praying.  I prayed specifically that if I heard God correctly, he would convince Mark, so there would be no division on this issue.  God just really spoke to me in this time.  He challenged me to trust him and step out in faith, even though we could not see how it was possible.  He promised that he would provide for us.  So, after months of searching the scripture and seeking Godly counsel on the matter, I turned in my resignation.  I'd like to say I wasn't scared, but I was scared to death.

Since then, God has never been late.  We have always had everything we've needed and then some.  But, it has always been day to day.  We never have a surplus that we can fall back on.  We have not fallen into large sums of money to help us get ahead.  It has not been easy.  There are times, when we have pennies to our name, and it is hard to have faith that God will come through.  But, he always does.  We have never been in want.  Sometimes, my faith is low and I get really worried about our finances.  Like this week...when the car broke down, and the oven went out...or two weeks ago, when we had to buy a new tire, and had no money to buy Ella a birthday gift.  It's times like that when I throw up my hands and say, "okay God, we need you to come through here."  And, he does...an anonymous gift, that is the exact amount we need...a thank you card for a past kindness, with a gift included.  Somehow, he always comes through.  Even though I know that, sometimes, I get really down about the whole thing...wondering why we just can't get ahead.  And, that's where I was this morning when I got on the treadmill.

God came through again.  He could get frustrated with me, or disappointed in me when I get like this, but he doesn't.  God is always tender and understanding with me.  On the treadmill this morning, I just felt like he was pulling me so close to him.  Without words, he conveyed to my spirit, that it's like this, because this is when we need him the most.  Like when he provided manna from heaven for the Israelites...just enough for the day.  This is when we lean on him, turn to him...and stay in relationship with him.  I feel that God is using this to refine me...and sometimes it hurts...but it's a good hurt...like when you're running and your muscles start to burn, but you know it's good because they are getting stronger, able to endure more.  And that is what I am doing too...getting stronger in my faith, pulling close to my God, falling more deeply in love with him, coming to understand his character.  Life would be easier if we had more money sitting in our savings account...my math brain would be more at ease if I could plan it all out to the penny...but that's not what God has for me right now.  Right now, he wants me snuggled up close to him, hanging on with all I have...and trusting Him.

Just as God is laying all this on my heart...this song came on the i-pod.  It was so perfect and worshipful...the only thing that kept me from raising both hands in worship to God was the fear that I would fall and bust my face open on the treadmill!  I do need God...He is all I need.  I am a fool without him.  He is what I'm living for.