Friday, October 28, 2011

A Few Things

Just sharing some randomness today...too tired for much else!

I am almost 36 weeks pregnant.  In fact, the baby is due exactly 1 month from today.  It seems so far away...until I start thinking about all that I need to do, and then it seems really close.

The pregnancy seems to have hit especially hard this week.  I've felt a major slow down.  My back and my hips hurt, I have constant heartburn, and I can't sleep.  I'm short of breath most of the time.  Two little feet poking into your lungs will do that to you.  I hate that I feel so bad at this time of year.  The weather is so pretty, and there are so many fun fall things to do, but I'm having trouble finding the energy.  We haven't decorated for Halloween, and I never got around to planning our annual pumpkin carving party, so I guess those are things we're going to skip this year.  I didn't mean to skip them, it just kind of happened by default.  I'm glad I have understanding kids. 

Speaking of my kids, I am watching them play with hot wheels in the kitchen floor right now.  We let Aidan stay home from school today.  Mark had already taken the day off because he had some things he needed to do today.  We let Aidan stay up to watch the Rangers try to win the World Series last night.  We had no idea it would go into the 11th inning and last until midnight.  He was so tired.  Many times I looked over and thought the responsible thing would be to make him go to bed.  But he was wrapped in a blanket, snuggled up next to his daddy and they were high-fiving and cheering and groaning together...and I thought, some things are more important.  So, we all slept in this morning.  Aidan and Mark went to get donuts together this morning.  I noticed that Aidan just walks differently when he's with his daddy.  He carries himself differently.  I am so glad they have each other.  Boys need their dads, no doubt about it.  I said a little prayer this morning for all the boys growing up without one...there are far too many.

So, right now Aidan and Ella are playing hot wheels together on the floor, and Ella has been laughing big belly laughs all morning.  Though I feel a little twinge of guilt about not making Aidan go to school today, as I'm watching this scene I have to think again, some things are more important.  Sometimes, you just need a day to reconnect, to rest, to just play.  I know I was very grateful to sleep in this morning and have my husband bring me donuts and coffee.  He is such a good man, and I'm so thankful for him.

Ella is cracking me up (as usual) this morning.  She is wearing the new black dress shoes that my mom bought her with her play clothes.  As much as she hates all things girly...dresses, skirts, etc....the girl has inherited her mother's serious love of shoes.  She clapped her hands and jumped up and down when I showed her the 2 new pairs of shoes from Nana.  She's been wearing them ever since.  She wore them with her pajamas last night.  I had to talk her into taking them off to get into bed.  So, she carefully took them off, buckled them and put them right beside her bed.  Then, she put them on first thing this morning.  Aidan tried to get her to put on socks and slide around the kitchen floor with him earlier, but she refused to take off her shoes.  She said, "but I love my shoes."

I love that both of the kids are excited about their new sister.  They both love to talk to my belly.  Aidan discovered that if he put his face next to my belly and made a high pitched squeaking noise the baby would kick his hand.  Ella can't wait to read her a story and give her a bottle (that'll be a little tricky at first since I'll be nursing, but I'm sure we can work something out!).

We are all really bummed about missing our Arkansas Thanksgiving this year.  In fact, I need to find the energy in the next few days to make Frozen Salad for the boys.  They both love it, and I don't think Aidan will accept that it is Thanksgiving without it.  I'm planning to make it and freeze it until Thanksgiving.  It should be an interesting holiday this year with my sister in-law and I both due to have our babies that week.  We may be having Hospital Turkey this year (oh I hope not!!). 

Well, I guess that's all for now...if you think of us this week, pray for rest and energy!  One month to go!!

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Gift of Loneliness

I'm not exactly sure when I first felt it.  I know it's only been recently that I've been able to give it a name.  I know this feeling has been with me as long as I can remember...even as a young child.  It has never been overwhelming, or even really a depressing thing, and I would hate for anyone to feel sorry for me because of it.  As far back as my memory can reach, I've had this sense that I don't quite fit in, I don't quite belong, that I'm often misunderstood...that there's no one else that sees things in exactly the same way that I see them.  This feeling that no one else perceives things in exactly the way that I do or experiences things the way I do.  It's a melancholy feeling...like a sadness, but not a deep sadness that prevents me from enjoying and loving my life...just a sense that I can't really describe.  The best word I can use to label it is loneliness. Have you ever felt that?  Even when you're surrounded by dear friends and loving, supportive family?  An aching or a longing that you can't explain?  I have this feeling that there is so much more to my mind, my heart, my soul than any person could ever fully know.  That feeling can make me feel awfully alone sometimes. 

Lately, God has been teaching me that he put that place in my heart...that melancholy void.  He put it there, because it is what drew me to Him in the first place.  And, it is what keeps me turning back to Him again and again.  Because, he does know.  He knows every layer, every facet of my being.  He has been with me...even when I was hidden in my mother's womb.  He knew what I would become.  He knew how I would rebel and sin and mess up.  He was there for every sad and hurtful moment.  He felt with me what I was feeling.  He knew how it impacted me.  When it's hard for me...He gets it.  He was also there for every joyful moment.  He was there every time a dream was achieved and for every longing fulfilled.  And he got that too...not just what it means to everyone else, but what it means specifically for me.  He gets it.  He gets me...fully.  Nothing is hidden, there are no secrets, and He loves me.  Really, really loves me.  Even more, he delights in me.  And he joyfully gives me the desires of my heart...the real desires, not just Dollar Store junk I think I want, but beautiful invaluable treasures that I don't even realize I want...because he knows me. 

So, that feeling that's been with me?  I'm thankful for it.  It has kept my heart tethered to the only One that can ease it.  And, when the feeling gets to be too much?  I know I've strayed too far.  It's time to go back..to the One who has  adored me...to the One I am learning to adore more and more each day. I'm so grateful for a love like His.  Who can even fathom it? 

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Psalm 63: 1-5


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Cleaning Closets

I have less than 6 weeks to go before the big day!  Nesting has kicked in full force.  Yesterday, I cleaned out the linen closet.  I also cleaned out the closet that Ella and the baby will share.  Actually, this is the 3rd time I've rearranged that closet.  I think I finally have it the way I want it!  Recently, I've also reorganized all of my kitchen cabinets.  Up next, is my closet and drawers, the coat closet and the utility room shelves.  Wow, that makes me tired just to think about it...but I am compelled to do it.  Pregnancy makes you do crazy things!

What I hate about organizing closets is everything gets a whole lot messier before it gets better.  I hate that I can work all day on something, but when you look around, it looks like I've done nothing.  For me, the best way to clean a closet is to drag everything out of it.  Then, I put back only what is necessary and figure out what to do with the rest.

I've been gearing up for some spiritual closet cleaning too.  Eight months of pregnancy has a way of knocking you off track.  It's easy to think about only yourself when you don't feel well.  It's easy to skip being in the Word and prayer.  Somewhere between the 4 months of nausea, lower back aches, sleepless nights and the total lack of energy, I've lost focus on some of the more important disciplines...devoting time to God's word, prayer, focusing on things more eternal.  It's easy to justify.  With a very small amount of energy, it's tempting to go into survival mode...just do the things that absolutely have to be done...the laundry, the dishes, the kids.  When exhaustion rears it's head, it's easy to waste hours unengaged...on activities that don't really require anything from me.  But that leaves my mind feeling cluttered and out of sorts...much like the closets I've been cleaning.  And thinking about adding those things that really matter back into my life just makes me tired.  When should I do it?  Get up early?  Stay up late?  I'm much too exhausted for that.  My "closet" is too cluttered to shove one more thing in there.  It makes me feel frustrated, and tired.

So, what's the answer?  I guess, I'll drag everything out.  I'll take a hard look at everything and ask the hard questions.  Do I need this during this season of my life,or should I toss it?  Should this have a prominent place or maybe a much smaller one?  Can this go in someone else's closet for a while?  Then, I'll put back only the things I need...time with God, precious time and energy devoted to my children and husband, more serving...less complaining, less media, more being actively engaged...less shutting everything out...less TV, more sleep...fewer negative words, more encouraging words.  I'll choose prayer over Facebook, and engaging with my kids over Pinterest (ouch!).  I'll go to bed early instead of watching one more TV show.  I'll take better care of myself so I can take better care of my family.  When energy and time are low, it's important that I choose to do only what is most needed.  Just like when arranging Ella's tiny closet...only the essentials can stay.  There's no room for anything else.

What I hate about closet cleaning is how messy the process can be.  But, what I love about closet cleaning is how much better you feel when it's done.  Less exhaustion, less anxiety, less feeling overwhelmed.  I love opening a clean, well-organized closet.   No more opening the closet, trying not to really look at it, shoving something in and slamming the door before it all comes crashing down.  I can breathe a little easier and feel a little lighter. 

So, between now and when the baby arrives, I'll not only be cleaning physical closets, but the closets of my heart and my mind as well.  Because when a closet contains only what is important, only what truly matters, then you can more fully enjoy it and utilize it.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.   Philippians 3:14-16 (The Message)

Friday, October 14, 2011

Rambling from the Pregnant Cat Lady

I'm writing this from the only comfortable spot I can find anymore...my arm chair in my living room.  I can put my feet up, and it has 2 arms that I can use to propel myself into a standing position should the need arise.  I am almost 34 weeks pregnant.  I have 6 weeks and 2 days to go...not that I am keeping track.  I am thinking my next blog post could be titled, "1001 Ways to Get Things off the Floor without Bending Over."  I've had to get quite creative in the last couple of weeks.  I haven't gained much weight with this pregnancy.  I really haven't had much of an appetite.  The baby has grown just fine, which is good.  But over the past week, that all changed.  All the sudden, I am ravenous all the time.  Not just a little hungry, but STARVING.  I eat, and 5 minutes later my stomach is growling again. I wake up hungry in the middle of the night.  I have a feeling I'm going to start packing on the pounds.

This morning, at 7:30, three of Aidan's friends from school showed up at our house unexpectedly.  They decided to hang out here until it was time to go to school.  They also decided to raid our refrigerator.  I realized that in the not too distant future, these boys will all be teenagers with EVEN bigger appetites.  I'm going to have to keep a LOT more food on hand.  Our little eating machine, has grown 4 inches so far this year!  Yikes.  That growth was fueld by many bowls of cereal, many tubes of yogurt and about a million peanut butter sandwiches.  He'll also eat as much taco casserole and salmon patties as you'll give him.  He's 8.  Heaven help us when he's a teenager. 

While Aidan's friends were here this morning, one of them asked me if I had a job.  When I said no he said, "so what do you do, just stay here and take care of that cat all day?"  Yep, that's what I do...take care of the cat...all day, every day.  It's a full time job.

I think the baby's name is probably Anna Kate.  But, I haven't decided that to the point that I'm ready to do anything permanent...like put it on her registry, or put it in her room anywhere. 

In other random news, Mark and I have been doing some serious talking about becoming goat farmers.  I'll give you a minute to stop laughing.


Better?  Seriously though...wouldn't it be cool to move your family to the country, buy some goats and chickens and live a simpler life.  I know it would be hard work, but hard physical labor makes you feel so much better than hard mental/emotional labor.  We're thinking about it...you only live once, right?  We've also talked about having a farm and hosting summer camps for kids that would like to experience life on a farm for a while in the summer.  We found out after we were already married that we both had a dream to run a camp for kids.  We don't even know where to begin, but we're talking about it...looking into it, talking to some people that have done it.  You never know where God might lead.

Well, that's all I have for today.  Thanks for stopping by to read this...I don't have much to say lately.  I've been pretty preoccupied with baby stuff, house selling stuff, etc.  But, I'm glad I got to check in and say hi.

Love,
The Pregnant Cat Lady

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Bracelets

Tonight, Aidan decided to make each of us a bracelet.  He made them out of strips of paper and tape.  He wrote a message for us on our bracelets.  This is what they say:

Mommy:  You rock!

Ella:  Sometimes you're annoying, but I like you.

Daddy:  I love you.

Aidan:  Aidan rules and everyone else drools.

Nana:  You are the best nana a boy could have.

and perhaps my favorite,

Pawpaw:  If you weren't in our family, we'd all be dead.