Overwhelmed and Distracted

Wow...I had such good intentions when I started this blog! It's been 5 months since I've posted anything. I guess it's true what they say about good intentions. You may be able to guess from the title of this post why I haven't been writing lately. It's something God's been dealing with me about quite a bit lately. Do you ever have times when God just WON'T leave you alone about something? I went to a Priscilla Shirer Going Beyond conference in February and was very convicted about being present in my own life. I decided then that I needed to be more purposeful and more focused on what it is God wants me to be doing. And ever since that conference I cannot open my Bible, or read a devotional or a blog without it being about this same issue. Okay God, I get it.

I am a very "busy" person. I am task oriented. It feels good to me when I can do something and check it off the list. It's like a drug. It makes me feel better. I like lists. I like tasks that are cut and dry...that I can finish and see the results. I know that my focus right now is to raise my kids to love God and to love people. But, I can't put that on a check list. I can't check it off. How do I know when I've completed that task. I'm not even sure exactly how to complete that task. So much goes into raising them. I get overwhelmed. It's so easy to "check out" when I get overwhelmed. This is the thorn in my side. Satan doesn't have to tempt me with the "big" sins, because I get distracted just trying to do what is right.

One of the hardest things for me about being a stay at home mom is the lack of feedback. How do you know if you're doing a good job with your kids? I guess you just have to wait and see how they turn out...but then it's too late to change anything. It would be nice if I could get a yearly performance review like when I was teaching. I'm sure mine would go something like this: loving--exceeds expectations, snuggling--exceeds expectations, patient--needs improvement, manages time wisely--needs improvement, trusts God with the future--needs improvement.

There's an image I keep playing over and over again in my head. Priscilla Shirer's grandmother, who is over 90 years old, was at the Going Beyond conference. Priscilla and her brother honored her at the conference. I was so touched as I thought what it must be like for that grandmother to sit in the audience and watch her grandson lead over 3,000 women in worshipping God. He is a very successful worship leader. His heart for worshipping God was very evident. Then, she got to watch her granddaughter teach these same women about God and about how to love God more. The love that Priscilla and her brother had for God and for each other was almost tangible, as was the love and respect they had for their grandmother. I kept thinking, "what a legacy."

Keeping that in mind, I have new focus in raising my kids. Someday, I want to be able to sit back and watch my kids and grandkids doing great things for God...because they love him. Above all, I want them to love God deeply. If I can help them do that, then I will have been successful. Out of their love for him, all other things will fall into place. They will do the work that he has for them, they will love and have mercy for hurting people, they will love each other, they will have joy. What else could a mother want for her kids? I know I will have to fight against all the things that try to distract me from that purpose, but it's a fight worth fighting.